Caught Shoplifting III & IV

It seems as if there's a lot of shoplifting going on out there. Here's two e-mails I just got:

Wendi D. writes: "I was caught at Target with $347 worth of clothes. I didn't get to leave the store before they brought me back in. I admitted because I knew I had no other choice. I am 33 and never been in trouble except for a DUI over 3 years ago. I cannot believe I was so stupid to do such a thing. I have no excuse. But I am out on SOR and do not have the money for a lawyer. I am really scared because of my future and the fact of it being on record. Any advice please. To have it dropped to a misdemeanor and expunged HELP please or my life will be over. I am a very honest person, cannot explain. I am so embarrassed. Thank you."

Jennifer writes: "I got caught shoplifting about 47 dollars worth at the Safeway grocery store. No cops were called. They made an adult get me, so I had my 22 year old sister come sign for my release. They took down her driver license number and have her real name and signature. They asked me my social security number, address, and name. I had an ID so they have the correct name, I changed the digits in my adress, but the street and city number are the same. I gave them a fake social security number. This was all on the first form, it looked important, like there was a yellow copy under it.

On this form and another form, my sister had to sign in order to release me. The second form was something vague about shoplifting $50 to $500. I'm not really sure, but it said they would bill me for another $500 fine to pay off. It was just a sheet of white paper, having my fake address, my sister's name and signurature, and some witness signurature (the guy who caught me). Overall, there were two forms, one where this guy wrote the report on what happened, my fake contact details, and the other with the $500 bill details that also has the fake address. This guy told me not to lie because it would cause more drama and more cops would be envolved. I panicked even more, this was my first time to ever be caught, first offense, I was under high stress, and in complete fear, so I lied. I wish I didn't because Im really scared of what is going to happen when or if they find out I lied. Would they just bill my sister? Will they completely track me down with cops at my house door? Will my parents be notified? HELP!"

Here are two good examples of shoplifting and how to handle the situation. One person (Wendi) is honest, and gives her information and hopes for the best while our second slippery-fingered candidate writes down fake information and hopes that she'll never be tracked down. Both worry about the financial punishment as well.

First and foremost, I will say it again and never again: anytime you are arrested for stealing items that are less than $500, it will always be a misdemeanor. There's no way it can be anything but. So for Wendi, you'll be glad to know you won't be charged with anything bigger than that. As for being expunged, there's not much luck of that.

But I'd like to take some time looking at Jennifer's situation. Here, she called a family member who she could trust to lie along with her original lies -- and then the two put fake contact information on the forms. This, in my humble opinion, is a smart and intelligent way to handle being caught shoplifting. Have you ever noticed that it's the honest people who tell the truth who often get caught and punished the most?

That's because they do.

So, yes -- in the heat of the moment Jennifer lied and provided fake contact information. Good for you, Jennifer! Because unless the police waste their time going door to door with your picture, they're never going to find you. Now, if they have a little time they might look up your name in the phone book -- but they're not going to waste their time, they've got bigger issues to deal with. The only way you'll get caught after providing fake information would be if you walked back into that store and they'd posted a picture of you from your Driver's License. That's it.

In summary, because this is the last time I'll spend on Shoplifting e-mails (just read the previous four and you'll find your answer I'm sure):

1. If you steal less than $500, it will be a misdemeanor IF they catch you or track you down.
2. If you provide fake information, they'll most likely never find you.
3. Don't return to a store where you've stolen goods and gotten caught.

I hope this answers everyone's questions in regards to getting caught shoplifting.

Caught Shoplifting II

Samosa writes: "I was caught shoplifting at a local Kohl's yesterday. They took my picture, my address, phone nunber and all that stuff. The total of the items costs $110. They said they're going to send me a civil suit. I'm 16. I have no idea what that means. Do I have to pay them back? Do I have to go to court? Do I have a criminal record now? Please help me. It was my first time, and it was the biggest mistake of my life."

Samosa's situation is a perfect example of retail workers trying to flex muscles that they don't have and attempting to scare you in the process when you really have nothing to worry about whatsoever.

The reality for Samosa is this: since she's under 18 there's really no civil suit they can throw at her. Mentioning a civil suit is simply a retail clerk using terminology they've heard on Law & Order to try and scare you. In fact, until you've stolen at least $500 (which was discussed in the previous Shoplifting question), you haven't even committed a real crime. Items stolen that total $110 dollars is nothing, whatsoever.

So they took your picture, your address and your phone number. If anything, the manager of the Kohl's will call your parents and they'll be left to punish you. At most, you'll have to pay back the $110 and that's it. My official lawyering advice would be to pay back the money and make sure that the next time you shoplift, it's from a store you haven't ever stolen from before.

My personal opinion, of course, is to deny you ever did anything. It will be your word against the word of some snot-nosed retail clerk who makes minimum wage and when push comes to shove the amount of money Kohl's is out (which really isn't $110 but probably $30 for wholesale material prices) won't be worth enough for them to continue fighting the cause. They'll just give up and you'll be free and clear.

When all else fails, Samosa -- deny, deny, deny!

Caught Shoplifting

Emma B. writes: "I was caught shoplifting three bracelets and a watch from my local Target and was caught. Now they're supposedly pressing felony charges against me because the items cost more than $400 dollars. The court has offered me a lawyer since I don't have the money to hire my own (they cost so much an hour!) but I wonder if that's the best way to go. What do you think?"

Deciding whether or not to go with the counsel that the court has assigned to you and your case can be a trickly slope to climb. I've had experience working as a court appointed lawyer in the past, and I'm good -- so you have to imagine that you'll have a pretty good chance at getting a decent lawyer assigned to you. You also have to remember that this is not a murder case. This is not a divorce case. This is a shoplifting case. There are only so many ways a lawyer can try this case, and getting creative with something like this is traditionally not advised. That being said, going with the court appointed lawyer is not a bad decision to make if you aren't financially able to hire your own.

I must also mention that this case can only be classified as a "felony" if the items you stole exceed $500. If the items you stole only cost $400 collectively, this is a misdemeanor case and you should make sure any lawyer you hire/are assigned knows what he/she is doing in this matter. Any good lawyer faced with defending a misdemeanor shoplifting case should be able to get you off with paying a $500 to $1000 fine and probation of some kind.

If you do, however, have the money to hire a lawyer of your own for this case, I have known some individuals to win shoplifting cases by suggesting any number of ailments afflict the defendant. For example, if you were to have dementia of some kind or be afflicted with the early onset of Alzheimer's disease...the lawyer could try the case and convince the court that you thought you were actually in your own home picking out your own bracelets and watch for the day ahead. A lawyer could also introduce evidence of other witnesses (whom your lawyer would encourage to testify with monetary encouragement -- which is done sometimes) who would testify that you only took the items after one of the clerks told you about a free giveaway on this particular day only. Finally, if your lawyer wanted to get you off completely without any fine whatsoever, he or she might argue that you have a disease called Dacryocystitis -- a serious eye infection that affects the periorbital cellulitis (or lacrimal sacs of the eye) and which causes individuals to perceive one object as another object altogether. The argument, of course, would be that you thought you were reaching for your car keys when in fact you were reaching for bracelets and a watch instead...but it was beyond your control since you have the disease. Especially in a jury case, using disease as a way out is always helpful. If you have the right lawyer, that is, to get creative.

As you can see, there are many ways to beat a shoplifting rap -- and if you have the money for a top-shelf lawyer then you might want to go this route. But court appointed counsel is good too, Emma.

So have faith in the justice system and good luck!

Accused of Sexual Harassment

Gavin P. writes: "I was recently taken off a project at my office after my female co-worker went to our boss and accused me of sexual harassment. Never over the course of us working together did she ever make mention or express dissatisfaction at how I interacted with her, so how is it possible that I am being penalized for something I had no idea I was doing. To make matters worse, a promotion that I had been told was virtually mine now looks like it may not be mine in the end because of this false accusation. What can I do to put things back on track?"

Sexual harassment is a serious accusation and more often than not such an accusation occurs only after the female co-worker expresses her disdain for the actions of YOU, the accused. However, if any co-worker of yours (male, female, opposite-sex or same-sex) accuses you of sexual harassment without any previous warnings, there is little you can do than stand your ground, recount important details honestly and hope for the best.

That is, unless you have the know-how and access to the e-mail servers of your company's computer systems. Some have been known to create fictitious e-mails and date them weeks prior in which they write sexually-explicit e-mails from the accuser to the accused in an attempt to plant evidence that will prove that any sexual innuendo was obviously mutual. This can be a tricky thing to engineer but if, in fact, the accusation is simply unfounded it is well within your rights to do whatever possible to protect yourself and discredit your accuser.

Ironically, that's just what lawyers are trained to do! Discredit.

As for Gavin's current situation, it can be a frustrating and harrowing experience -- being accused of something you have no conscious knowledge of. That's why my personal advice is to spend as much time with your bosses as possible, attempting to discredit your co-worker and bring her honesty into question. After all, the glass ceiling can motivate some female co-workers to try extremely risque things (including accusing their co-workers of sexual harassment to remove them from the equation) in order to rise up in the ranks.

Hope that helps!

Accidentally Caused Accident

Jeanette L. writes: "On my way home from work on Friday I was in a real rush and I pulled up to a light that was red and didn't want to wait for it. I made a quick right into the perpendicular street, did a quick U-turn, and then pulled back into the road and made a right to avoid having to wait for the light. Unfortunately, during the time it took me to do the quick U-turn, the light turned green. As I pulled back out onto the main road two cars were already going through the light and the one in the lane closest to me swerved to avoid me -- slamming into the car in the far lane. I just kept on driving since I didn't hit any car but I was extremely nervous. In fact, another car who witnessed the accident followed me for a mile or so but I just kept looking forward and eventually they stopped following me. I guess my question is, am I at fault here for anything if I technically didn't hit any cars or get into any fender benders? Is there anything that can happen to me because of this?"

Here's a really unique situation that actually happens more than any of us expect. Technically, when someone causes two other parties to hit each other due to the way in which they operate an automobile -- it is your fault. As a lawyer, I will tell you that you can be held 51% responsible for such an accident and if it is confirmed that you sped away from the site of such an accident, you can be charged with a felony. In the event you've already received a call from the police or the person who followed you reported your license plate to the local police, you will have to call a lawyer and your insurance company all at once.

Now for my own advice.

Don't call anyone. Never call your insurance company if you haven't technically hit someone else's car. The minute you call your insurance company (or any insurance company for that matter) to report something you "may have been involved with" -- you have already admitted fault. I once defended a client who was involved in such an accident as this, without ever hitting a car. He called his insurance company "just to be safe" and even though they could never identify him as the driver of the accident, because he called his insurance company he was found to be 51% at fault, thus causing his insurance premiums to be raised. Bottom line -- if there is no evidence on your car of being involved in an accident and you receive zero calls from the local authorities... Don't do a thing. Go about your life and pretend it never happened. For all you know, the person who swerved to miss you was just a bad driver in the first place.

But please -- if you have actually hit another car or another person, stay and face the music. You will always get caught in the end in these situations due to evidence that your car will leave behind.

But also remember -- if there is zero evidence, you are not guilty.

Messy Divorce

Mark T. writes: "I'm in a very difficult position, finding myself faced with divorce after only ten years with my wife. When we got married we were both poor, but I have made a lot of money over the last ten years while she stayed at home with the kids and now she's angling for half. I don't want to give her half. She doesn't deserve it if you ask me. I was the one who worked for a living while she sat at home on her butt. What can I do to make sure she gets what she deserves instead of half my fortune?"

First of all, let me give you this disclaimer: I am not a divorce lawyer. I have never particularly practiced such law. My expertise lies in criminal cases. That being said, when I was in law school I had to learn about divorce cases and civil cases as well.

Divorces are a sticky sticky situation, especially if you didn't have the forethought of getting a pre-nuptual agreement signed before the marriage was official. Most people, in fact, never do. Without one, your divorce proceedings often are at the mercy of the state you live in and their laws on community property. As a laywer, my best recommendation is to get the best divorce lawyer you can get, who has an over 90% success rate when it comes to divorces in your state. If you don't live in Washington State, I really can't offer up any names. Turn to your friends, get the best advice and then meet with said divorce lawyers to find someone who shares your opinion on how to approach the case.

As your friend, who happens to be a LAWYER, I can give you some other helpful pieces of advice when faced with a greedy ex to-be who is intent on taking half (or more). More often than not, these situations involve a complete family (i.e. kids and animals) who are valuable bargaining chips when it comes to a divorce. While I am NOT SUGGESTING YOU DO THIS I am just making a casual comment that by taking your children and animals on a "secret vacation" to somewhere your wife has no previous knowledge of... Well, by doing something like that and potentially leaving a note for said soon-to-be ex partner with a message that alludes to the fact that you won't be returning until she signs the attached paperwork & sub-par settlement... Sometimes such a situation will coerce your partner into making a much better deal for yourself. If kids and animals are not a part of the equation, another solution is to simply sell everything you own to friends, allowing them to suddenly be in someone else's name. This includes your house, your cars and even your bank account funds. Your ex to-be will have no claim to items owned by another party.

So if you choose to go the more risque direction, you must act fast. Otherwise, trust in a lawyer and let them navigate the shark-infested waters of the divorce court with their valuable expertise.

Neighbor Slashed Tires

Christine L. writes: "I don't get along with my neighbors too well, which stems from a previous year's 4th of July when my son's fireworks shot over the fence accidentally and ended up lighting their bushes on fire. Since then, they've always ignored us and done things to try and annoy us. One of those things includes putting their trash bins in front of our house (instead of in front of their house) for trash pick up day. Being frustrated by this (since the bins should be in front of their house since they ARE THEIR BINS) I slid their bins back in front of their house one morning. When I got home from work that day (last week) I found the bins back in front of our house and the tires of our vintage '69 Mustang (which is under a car cover and parked in our driveway) slashed. What legal rights do I have or what next steps should I take to make them pay for the damage they've obviously caused?"

Christine brings up an interesting issue that all of us have come in contact with once or twice in our lives: uncooperative or frustrating neighbors. While you can choose your friends you can most definitely not choose who lives on either side of you in your neighborhood. That's why situations like the one Christine has outlined are tough instances to deal with.

I have prosecuted many individuals who have been on both sides of a neighborhood quabble, which have included neighbors who threw items against house windows, broke mailboxes, lit certain foliage on fire and yes, even crashed their cars into their neighbor's cars to inflict damage. The cases I have won have always been due to the fact that there were witnesses or visual evidence of some kind that confirmed without a reasonable doubt that the neighbors in question were responsible.

But here we have an instance that occured during the day, out of the sight of the owners, and which had zero witnesses whatsoever. Yet Christine is probably 100% sure (and is probably correct in assuming) that her neighbors are responsible for the slashed tires.

There are two things you can do at this point, Christine.

First (and this is me being a responsible LAWYER telling you this)...you can first try talking to your neighbors and asking them if they know anything about what happened. Most likely they will say no. In the event they deny having any knowledge you can then call the local police and file a report about the vandalism. In the event your neighbors do this again and you can provide proof to the local authorities (pictures, witnesses, et al) then the first instance will most likely be attributed to the neighbors and they'll be held responsible for both. Via the law, this is your only realistic option.

Secondly (and this is me telling you what you can do as a FRIEND who "knows the law")...you should get friends or family with digital cameras to hide around your house and train their cameras on your home. Then, take those garbage pails and fill them with kerosene or gas of some kind, push them in front of your neighbors house (while making sure there are no witnesses who aren't friends of yours) and light them on fire. If you can push them into the bushes of your neighbor's house, even better. Then wait for your neighbors to retaliate. When they do, you'll have video and visual evidence of them doing so and you may then call the police to report them. In this case, you should deny ever lighting their garbage pails on fire, and since your neighbors will not be as smart as you -- they will have no visual evidence to get you in trouble.

Alas, the tables will be turned, and you will get reimbursed for your car's tires and whatever additional damage they do to your house after watching their landscaping and garbage bins go up in flames.

Hope this helps!

Back from the Edge

Some of you may not have realized or known that I got a job with the D.A.'s office here in Seattle back in December of 2005. Needless to say, my superiors were not keen on me doling out legal advice on this blog, no matter how amateurish I purported it to be. Thus, the radio silence for all these months.

Having decided about a month ago to end my job at the D.A.'s office and head back into private practice and pro-bono work, I have chosen to get back to the e-mails that have been piling up. Apparently there are a lot of you out there seeking free legal advice.

So, welcome back to me and welcome back to you. I hope I haven't disappointed you.

As always, please feel free to send me your recent questions and I'll answer them as best as I can.

My Friend Got A DWI

Larry writes, "A friend of mine got a DWI ( her first ) in Vancouver WA about 2 months ago, and is going through the motions with her attorney, attempting to get a deferral on her way back from north Idaho, she got stopped in the dalles Oregon and got another one yesterday, allegedly blowing a 2.4. My question is: what can she expect? Can she expect these 2 charges to merge while attempting to get things reduced to a manageable level? Does Washington share info like this with neighboring states such as Oregon? And of course the question that is really hanging over her, will she loose her license?"

Larry writes about a situation that plagues a lot of people who like to drink alcohol and then operate motor vehicles. Often, after receiving their first DWI and while going through the court proceedings (or mediations) they find themselves saddles with a second DWI. It's an unfortunate sequence of events that could possibly have been avoided had our friendly-neighborhood DWI'er simply refrained from doing the exact thing they recently got caught for.

But this is the real world we're dealing with... And these are real people. As your FRIEND (and not your legal counsel) I can tell you that if you are currently handling or dealing with charges that came out of getting caught for a DWI -- you should always carry a mixture of lemon juice and vinegar in your car. The combined citrus and noxious combination of both liquids, if swallowed, will cause your lungs and heart to facilitate a much lower result on a breathalizer. This is, obviously, something no one will normally tell you because it's against the law to cheat on such a thing. But as your FRIEND, I'm telling you that if you can't keep your hands off the sauce, your only next best bet is to have the equipment to fake a breathalizer.

But Larry's friend has a bigger problem. After chalking up one DWI she was absent-minded enough to let it happen a second time in a different state. Unfortunately, the two charges will merge unless she takes evasive action immediately by taking each and every piece of paperwork she gets in the mail regarding the DWI (from Oregon) and immediately burns them so there is no record whatsoever about them. This way, she can continue to deny that it was her driving her car if the authorities come knocking. Eventually, by the time the authorities put two and two together the first charge should be resolved and the second will not affect the first charges penalty phase.

As your LAWYER (the one who you must respect), my only advice is to stop the drinking and driving. As for the two charges, my official opinion is they will merge and the penalty of the first will be more damaging. Not to mention, Larry's friend's fine will be heftier and her license will be suspended.

But not if she burns all the paperwork. Which, in this case, seems like the best thing to do.