Mark T. writes: "I'm in a very difficult position, finding myself faced with divorce after only ten years with my wife. When we got married we were both poor, but I have made a lot of money over the last ten years while she stayed at home with the kids and now she's angling for half. I don't want to give her half. She doesn't deserve it if you ask me. I was the one who worked for a living while she sat at home on her butt. What can I do to make sure she gets what she deserves instead of half my fortune?"
First of all, let me give you this disclaimer: I am not a divorce lawyer. I have never particularly practiced such law. My expertise lies in criminal cases. That being said, when I was in law school I had to learn about divorce cases and civil cases as well.
Divorces are a sticky sticky situation, especially if you didn't have the forethought of getting a pre-nuptual agreement signed before the marriage was official. Most people, in fact, never do. Without one, your divorce proceedings often are at the mercy of the state you live in and their laws on community property. As a laywer, my best recommendation is to get the best divorce lawyer you can get, who has an over 90% success rate when it comes to divorces in your state. If you don't live in Washington State, I really can't offer up any names. Turn to your friends, get the best advice and then meet with said divorce lawyers to find someone who shares your opinion on how to approach the case.
As your friend, who happens to be a LAWYER, I can give you some other helpful pieces of advice when faced with a greedy ex to-be who is intent on taking half (or more). More often than not, these situations involve a complete family (i.e. kids and animals) who are valuable bargaining chips when it comes to a divorce. While I am NOT SUGGESTING YOU DO THIS I am just making a casual comment that by taking your children and animals on a "secret vacation" to somewhere your wife has no previous knowledge of... Well, by doing something like that and potentially leaving a note for said soon-to-be ex partner with a message that alludes to the fact that you won't be returning until she signs the attached paperwork & sub-par settlement... Sometimes such a situation will coerce your partner into making a much better deal for yourself. If kids and animals are not a part of the equation, another solution is to simply sell everything you own to friends, allowing them to suddenly be in someone else's name. This includes your house, your cars and even your bank account funds. Your ex to-be will have no claim to items owned by another party.
So if you choose to go the more risque direction, you must act fast. Otherwise, trust in a lawyer and let them navigate the shark-infested waters of the divorce court with their valuable expertise.
About Me
- Cole Forester
- I am a practicing lawyer based in the Seattle, Washington area.
9 comments:
You are joking right? First of all, the man said that both he and his wife were both "poor" when they married. They have been married for 10 years. He earned alot of money DURING their marriage. She is entitled to half of the assets they purchased while married. Although state laws vary, any assets acquired during marriage that were not inherited or purchased prior to the marriage are subject to equitable distribution. The wife stayed home caring for their children. She is entitled to alimony and child support.
To imply that a man can kidnap his children and pets and then commit extortion is outrageous! He also cannot simply sell their marital assets to friends. I advise all women to document all assets, including bank accounts,deeds and any valuables before they ask for a divorce. A judge would have a field day with this man after finding out he liquidated marital assets with the intent to hide them from his wife.
Since you are a lawyer, you must know that when a divorce is pending both parties are ordered not to dispose of any martial assets. Again, I do hope you were joking. Someone reading this may take your suggestions seriously and cause alot of heartache and pain to their family. Remember it is the children that suffer the most during divorce. How do you think this man's kids would feel being taken away from their mother on a "secret vacation"?
Devious divorce tactics always backfire. What this man should do is end his marriage with dignity and respect. Be a man and take care of your family. Do you think your children will grow up to respect a father that purposely cheated their own mother out of money? Think about the consquences of your actions!
Christina - While your advice and opinion may be accurate coming from a divorce lawyer, it is also "the party line." When you say a wife "is entitled to alimony and child support" that is the courts and the politics behind the courts speaking.
Now I'm not saying you're wrong. But in my advice I like to provide readers who write me with their concerns a real-world basic opinion (which is get a good lawyer and let them do the hard lifting) and an amateur personal opinion on what I think might have better results.
In a free country, I think intelligent people should be given both options and decide on their own which is the better of the two.
Thanks for your verbose and opinionated comment, Christina! Oh, and good luck with your blog where you tell women about the "seven secrets to a successful divorce."
Cole- It is a free country and people do have the right to make their own decisons. The problem comes when you give them "options" that can hurt another person.
Why even mention unethical behavior as a viable option? As you say, this is your "amateur personal opinion". But as a lawyer you know better.
I am not a divorce attorney. I am a woman who went through a very ugly divorce. My ex-husband employed devious tactics that in the end cost him finacially. The fall out of his actions was four children who were deeply hurt emotionally. Trust me, no amount of financial gain is worth hurting your children.
I would suggest that you ask you readers who are considering divorce, both male and female, to be fair and work together to come up with a fair settlement for both parties. The only ones who benefit from a long, drawn out divorce is the divorce attornies. Both the husband and wife need to act in the best interest of their children.
I do believe that you feel your suggestions are worthwhile and that concerns me. When you give your personal opinion instead of your legal one, why not try to promote positive behaviors instead of negative ones.
Christina - My personal opinion is affected by my legal knowledge. If as a lawyer you can provide better advice for people on a personal level, it is my opinion it is your duty to do so.
As for making divorce decisions for the children alone -- while this may sound legitimate, marriage is never about the children. Divorce is never about the children. That, in fact, is something a lot of parents going through a divorce forget to acknowledge. Divorce is about the man and woman working out their personal problems in whatever way they see fit.
I think at this point we should just agree to disagree as our opinions are separated by a chasm of real-world opinion and legitimate legal knowledge.
Lol douche.
I absolutely agree with Christina and just because he left the home to work and she was a stay at home mother he assumes she sat on her butt. Let me tell you.. being a stay at home mom should be one of the highest paid jobs out there. I would like to see him do it for one month and see if he thinks the same thing. It is a thankless job but she is still entitled to half as she did work she worked hard at the thankless job of being a mother. To take the children away on a "secret vacation" is vicious and malicious and down right wrong.. he is doing it to hurt his ex wife but the only person he is hurting is his children who are obviously not his first priority. What a sin!
Divorces are murky occurences and oftentimes men get jerked around. The state is more likely to side with the woman and a man ends up being the one paying (out of his pocket, bank account, blood, sweat, tears) for the dissolution of a marriage.
Just because the wife was a stay-at-home-mom does not mean that she is entitled to half of this man's hard work though she should get something.
If a "vacation" with the kids and dogs will help her think rationally rather than maliciously then do it.
I agree with everything that is being said it and can see it from both sides.However...
my mum and dad are currently in the process of getting divorced, it was completely my mum's decision. After 3 years of my dad hoping that my mum would change her mind, he stuck by her while she acted like she was going through a mid-life crisis, clubbing, friends half her age etc. My mum and dad lived in the same house (which my dad paid for entirely), after a big arguement where my dad found out my mum had been texting and meeting with somebody else under 'his' roof, they had a drunken fight (in the street much to mine and my younger brothers embaressment!) and my dad was arrested. While I completely disagree with how my dad handed the situation, my mum has refused to let him back in the house and left my dad homeless. I agreed to let my dad come and live with myself and have since become a lot closer with my dad. They are selling the house and with make approx. £150,000 after all debts etc have been paid off, my mum is asking for £120,000 of this money!!!! And she is still texting this man....as much as they are both my parents and I love them both, I hate them for what they have done to my brother who is 18 and very close to both my parents, he is the one who is affected most out of this whole situation!! As you can probably tell I have taken my dad's side of the arguement as he wants the divorce to be as fair as possible and over as quick as possible and my mum is the one swiping for the money...
Wow! I don't agree with your input into this mans situation at all! Divorce is messy, especially when kids are involved! You may have worked hard providing for the family, but she worked hard raising the family! Like it or not, you both played equal parts, and are entitled to equal amounts of the assets. Don't make it harder then it already is on everyone. If you need more advice for divorce then check into some online resources.
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